The Heart of the Sword
by sweetheartbraeker
Summary: The question remains to her, why is Kaoru so special to Kenshin?


(a/n:_ Just a brief background before you read anything beyond the line and hate me for it, I'm just a new RurouKen fan. I'm not even sure if I spelled that right. I just watched the movie last week, and I immediately fell in love with Ken-san. I must say that the actor who played Kenshin did a really good job, for me, also with the directors and stuff... And now I'm plowing through the manga like a mad fangirl before I plunge my way to the anime. I just have to let this out my chest because GAH! The last pages of Volume 7 broke my heart last night. Geez! Wastuki-san is so... *zips my mouth* So this is just more on my thoughts, and my take on the last parts of volume 7. I'm already at volume 15... and my heart's a bit more at ease than it was last night. Haha. Anyway, sorry for the delay. Here you are.)_

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**The Heart of the Sword**

_For Lady Kaoru, I will be a manslayer once more..._

His stance. His hold on his reversed-blade sword. His serious voice. Everything about him was different... was wrong. But it was his eyes that made him most alien to her. Kenshin's deadly eyes. His eyes that could have killed an innocent bystander with one look.

That night, Kaoru thought she would lose him.

And it surprises her because there was nothing about him that she should lose. He would still be Kenshin, wouldn't he?

The answer would have been yes to anyone who didn't know Kenshin's vow. But to the likes of Kaoru, she knew deep in her heart that Kenshin would never be the same again. He would have to revert back to his old self. His manslayer self.

It shouldn't have mattered to Kaoru.

But it did. It mattered so much, she knew her heart would break if Kenshin would change back.

What had made the vagabond special to Kaoru? He'd only stayed for a couple of days. Sure he did most of the chores in the dojo, and was a better cook than Kaoru. Sure he was the one who gave her a new student. Sure he defeated a lot of people, and protected more. But he was nothing more than a stranger.

He is Himura the _Battousai_.

The _hitokiri_. The manslayer. Whose onslaught brought a new era for Japan.

Whose bloody hands brought new light for the Japanese.

Who turned over a new leaf and vowed in his heart never to kill again.

Who was ready to throw away this vow in his heart without second thoughts for Kaoru's sake.

He was willing, willing with no doubts and regrets to throw away the life he lived for 10 years just for the life of one girl. He could have saved more lives, even without being a manslayer, even with Kaoru being killed. Had one life mattered that much that he was willing to give up _his new foundation in life _and everything else that he lived for, for the sake of one girl?

What had made Kaoru special to the manslayer?

She had accepted him in her humble home. She ended his torment as a traveler and instead gave him something to call home. But that is nothing. Anyone could have done that. Anyone who had been saved by that man will be more than willing to give him a place to stay. Heck, someone else who is a better cook and who could have treated him better could have made him a place to stay.

But Kaoru... even if she wouldn't admit it, she was desperate. She wanted him to stay. _Badly._ Even without him doing anything, even if he did not end up saving their lives many times, she would have forced him to stay. She would have used the hidden Kamiya Kasshin Technique on him if she had to. And it scared her, because she didn't know why.

As it was that moment, that she was waiting for the return of the vagabond, who is now not a vagabond but Kenshin. Himura Kenshin, housekeeper of the Kamiya Kasshin Dojo. Protector of the oppressed. The voice of the guilty.

Himura Kenshin.

His name was like a resounding gong to Kaoru's mind. Keeping her awake at that time of the night. Allowing her to stay strong and stand still for his return. Although even that moment was making her more anxious.

The appearance of Takani Megumi did not help her situation the past weeks. Megumi calling Kenshin Ken-san was making it worse. Kaoru was feeling a pinch in her heart every time Kenshin and Megumi sat down together. She had been cautious of the fox lady from the very beginning, and she hated herself because she knew that Megumi is nothing less than a sweet person.

She was a doctor who saved Yahiko's life. Even Sano's.

She's even willing to turn herself in for the sake of law and justice.

She's willing to die if it meant Kenshin's new life.

But why was Kaoru feeling so against Takani Megumi?

"I'll walk her over. I can't leave her alone."

Kaoru looked up to find an annoyed Megumi, an indifferent Sano and someone else who was looking very worried.

"Why does it have to be tonight? An emergency surgery?!" Megumi was saying.

The unnamed person ignored her. "Please hurry," he said.

Kaoru smiled and waved as they went ahead... silently glad that her thoughts were interrupted. But only for a while.

_I will be a manslayer once more._

Kaoru walked up the front lawn to clear her thoughts. She hadn't had any of this wild thoughts bothering her before. And it scared her because these thoughts... these emotions were eating her up. Slowly. Bit by bit. She could see her sanity fading away... and it had something to do with Himura Kenshin.

Kenshin is a friend, she would tell herself on a normal day. Of course she would be fiercely protective over her friend, especially one who is desperately trying to keep his past hidden and buried behind him. The lawmakers would crawl over Kaoru's dead body before they take Kenshin back to Kyoto.

But Kenshin was willing to give up his life, his normal non-manslayer life to save Kaoru's. With his skill and divine speed, he could be Japan's hero and save the country from the clutches of Shishio whoever he was.

Was Kaoru just being selfish? Did she just want Kenshin to herself that's why she was so against him going to Kyoto?

If she was being honest to herself, she wasn't sure. She didn't know what her motives were when she decided for Kenshin. And it scared her because Kenshin's choice was going to tip the balance... to restore Japan and to awaken the manslayer inside him on one hand and leave Japan as it was and be with Kaoru and his friends on the other.

If Kaoru was being honest, she would say _"To hell with a new nation. Kenshin's not going to kill anyone anymore!"  
_

And she wasn't sure if that is because she wanted the _hitokiri _inside him for herself.

_A manslayer once more._

"Lady Kaoru."

Kaoru looked up to find Kenshin's face... she wasn't able to process his face immediately because her life's goal at the moment is _to do anything for his sake._ "Kenshin! Welcome home!"

He was smiling, but only ever so slightly. He didn't even respond to her greeting.

"Yahiko's already asleep," she added hastily, to make up for the small silence they had. "He's still a kid and he couldn't stay up this late." That's the only time she realized that _it is already late and he just got _home.

"Okubo was assassinated."

Kaoru just looked at him, and he didn't meet her eyes. He was looking at a point beside her face. Kaoru bit back a deep breath and said, "Yes, it was all over the news a while ago. A group of bandits..."

Now Kenshin was not even _pretending_ to look at her. He looked at the ground while his right hand was hovering over the hilt of his _sakaba-tou_. He looked distracted. "No. It's Shishio's doing. He's sent someone over to kill..." his voice trailed off.

Even Kaoru didn't even know how to respond. She looked at the ground and waited for him to say something.

He did not disappoint her. As if he found the answer he was looking for on the ground, he looked at her right in the eyes with pure confidence when he said, "Now that I now how he far he is willing to go to set his plans straight, I can't leave him like this."

Kaoru's lips parted in surprise. She almost wanted to cover her ears so she wouldn't have to hear the next parts of his statement. But she didn't get to do anything. Kenshin was way ahead of her.

"I'm going to Kyoto."

The look on his eyes was set. He was unwavering. He _will_ go to Kyoto.

"You're going to assassinate Shishio?" was what she said but _You're going to leave me? _was what she was really thinking. _You can't! You shouldn't!_

"No," Kenshin said, though he did not sound convinced. He corrected himself. "I'm not sure. I will fight him with all I have but as with the fight with Saitou, I might revert to my old self."

Kaoru was not fully understanding what he was saying. She could get the gist of it, of course, that he is afraid that he might go back to manslayer he was before, but she could not fully grasp _why. Why did he have to leave?_

Japan was not an issue anymore. Shishio Makoto can take over Japan if he'd like, but it would take more than that for Kaoru to let go Himura Kenshin. She can't. She won't allow it.

As a swordsman, she should understand his situation. But as a _woman_, she can't.

"Even if I managed to make myself feel comfortable the past days, my fight with Saitou made me realize that the madness of the manslayer still lives in my heart, and I cannot very well deny the fact that still am _Battousai_ the Manslayer."

Kaoru got a grip on herself. This wasn't about her. This was about Kenshin. Her friend. "But you can break through the spell of the _Battousai!_" she placed her hands on his shoulders in effort to pull him to her logic. "In all your fights, you still come back as Kenshin!"

_You came back to me!_ was what she wanted to say. _You still came back to me even then._

"No," was his silent yet firm answer. "In the fight with Jinei, I became the _Battousai_ and almost a manslayer in order to save you. And it was your voice that brought me back."

_It did?_

"But on the fight with Saitou, I became the _Battousai_ for the sake of fighting. Even your voice couldn't pull me back, then. The difference is crucial."

_He expected her voice to always bring her back. _It could have been the reason why he allowed himself to fight Saitou as the _Battousai_. It's because he knew that Kaoru's voice would be strong enough to pull him to her. So he could come back as_ her_ Kenshin. Although it hadn't, it surprised her. His trust on her. His belief on her strenght.

The question remains to her, why was Kaoru so special to Kenshin?

"You told me before that my past didn't bother you, that you couldn't care less that I was the _Battousai_ or the manslayer. You kept me from leaving and for the first time in a long time, I was genuinely happy."

_You are still welcome here. Don't leave. _She wanted to shout. She wanted to tell him that he shouldn't leave, but her voice was not working. She was paralyzed as she looked at him, his gaze was so soft as if he was saying the last words he will ever tell her. They might as well be, the way Kaoru was responding.

She forced herself to speak. "K..." She couldn't say anything at all. All she could do was look at him, her eyes wide, almost on the verge of crying.

"But to the government and Shishio and all the other people who knew my past, I will always be the _Hitokiri Battousai_."

Kenshin moved forward and in one swift motion, Kaoru was in his arms.

In shock, Kaoru couldn't move. All she could be was a statue, receiving what Kenshin was giving her. Her mind was processing how she had _always wanted to be in this moment_ but not this kind of moment. Not a good bye. _Please, don't let it be a good bye._

The first batch of tears were coming. She could feel herself shake and she knew it had nothing to do with the temperature.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me."

_No! NO! Stop! Stop him! Do something!_ Kaoru was screaming in her head. She couldn't allow this to happen. She promised herself she would never allow this to happen. But it was already happening and all she could do is stand there helplessly.

"Good bye."

Kaoru closed her eyes and took deep breaths. She opened her mouth to speak and still her voice was failing her. She opened her eyes and used all of her willpower to move. The best she could do was make her hand twitch.

"I'm a vagabond, and once again, I will wander..."

"No."

_Finally__, _she thought to herself and thanked all heavens she managed to speak. She was crying. She wrapped her arms around Kenshin and she did not want to let go. "No, I will not allow you to. You will not go anywhere. You will stay here."

"Lady Kaoru..." Kenshin seemed surprised. Had he thought she would give up on him that easily?

"Japan can screw itself. That's what it's been doing that past years," she sobbed on his shoulder.

Kenshin almost laughed. "But many people will die..."

Kaoru let go a little bit just so she could see his face. Kenshin was shocked to see the tears on her cheeks. She didn't care. She will not let him go. Never. "What about _me?_" she said. She sounded so selfish but she can't take it anymore. "I'll die without you." She pulled him again in her embrace and whispered. "I want to stay with you forever."

Kenshin tensed as if what she said caused him to remember nightmares from the past. She still did not let go of him. She will not let go of him. Even if he would hate her forever, she won't. She will never...

"I love you."

Kaoru's grip on him loosened, but his didn't. She noticed him relax, as if some heavy burden he was carrying was lifted over his head.

"I love you, Lady Kaoru, but it's for that reason that I can't stay. They will know about this and will make you their number one target to take me down. I am willing to give up Japan to save you, but I don't think Shishio would be merciful enough to spare your life... I cannot allow that to happen. I don't want to lose you."

Kaore laid her head back to see him, really see him. "But you won't lose me," she whispered.

"I will if I stayed," he said. "It's not just Shishio. The government can use you as well to control me. And I don't want that to happen. I'd rather stay away from you and know that you're safe instead of losing you forever."

"Kenshin..."

_Kenshin. Ken no kokoro. The heart of the sword._ It was funny. The heart of the sword is Kaoru. _Kenshin is Kaoru_.

He right hand held her face and she leaned her face to his touch. "Please understand, Lady Kaoru. I don't want to lose you, and this is the only way I can save you from both sides... Please live for me."

That moment, he leaned down and their lips touched, and Kaoru knew it was no use.

Kenshin let go and began to walk away.

"Kenshin, I love you." _Aishite imasu_. _I love you with all that I am_.

He looked back, only to smile at her. A final smile. A good bye. "I love you, too." Then he ran away like he never ran before.

Kaoru looked at the trail he made and his disappearing form. She was useless. She couldn't make him stay. She was a failure. Her tears never stopped coming as she fell on her knees like all her strength were being pulled farther and farther from her as Kenshin went away.

"KENSHIN!" she screamed with all she had knowing that her voice were going to empty ears.

.

.

.

**-end-**

_(a/n: I didn't write how Kenshin spoke because honestly it's really hard to translate "de guzaro" in English. It's not "that I am" or whatever the subs are saying, so I just left it at that even though I know a lot of fans get frustrated sometimes when Kenshin speaks differently. The time I started this fanfiction is different from the day I actually finished it. I've started the anime, I'm at episode 3 even though I still haven't finished the manga yet. My heart was left in a million pieces after Volume 20 so I couldn't bare to continue just yet._

_Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! I know this idea is not new but I really really need to let this out my chest or else it would burst. HAHA!_

_Continue to support RurouKen! I know I will. The second movie is coming and I'm so freaking excited!)_


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